she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
