Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
