I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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