Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Panties = found
Randomize
