There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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