I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
