Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
