Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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