someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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