If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
