a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
