remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
