not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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