that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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