i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
