Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize