Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
