So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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