i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
