Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
