I think i peed on brittanys purse
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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