We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
