At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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