you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
