hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
