I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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