You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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