Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
