"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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