thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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