Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
