Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Drunk is a universal language darling
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
