i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
