I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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