The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize