i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
