The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you never un-have a 4some
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
