i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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