Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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