Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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