Buhtt sex?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
