I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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