Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
