That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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