Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
