The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are two peas in an std pod
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize