i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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