I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sober January is a disaster.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
