I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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