Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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