just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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