My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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