Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
