I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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