hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
