I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize