I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
