I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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