Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
