so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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