it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
