oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
