Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
