maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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