Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
