my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize