You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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