thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There r osticjed everywhere
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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