I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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