Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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