so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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