Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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