Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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