Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

And mexicans. My burrito likes you.

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(850): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.

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(404): View more from Georgia

standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

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(404): View more from Georgia

where are you?

(1-404): View more from Georgia

sonic

(404): View more from Georgia

Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.

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(347): View more from New York

The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09

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(574): View more from Indiana

2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

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(909): View more from California

I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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(248): View more from Michigan

Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.

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