i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Still dying that you shit outside
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
