hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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