i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
