Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
