I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
