Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
