Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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