I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
