I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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