Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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