he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
