The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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