I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
