I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize