Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
