ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
