I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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