Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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