problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize