You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
